When I Look Away

I look at my phone, or count the tiles on the floor. Sometimes when I really am bored I think about hopscotch on the sidewalk. Boredom; not in the sense that I have nothing to do, but that I have everything to do. Housework begins to pile up when I look away, my pets seem needier than ever, and I feel slightly more overwhelmed with each day that goes by. Not because I don’t have time, but because I can’t seem to make time. All my life I’ve never been someone who has had the best time management skills. My favorite thing to do is procrastinate; look at 50 things you can do in under a minute instead of doing it, or complaining that I lack in time to do anything with my life. It’s surprising that I get anything done at all. Yesterday I laid in bed for three hours tossing, and turning, beating myself up over not being able to sleep. Instead of getting up, and doing anything close to productive; which would have been smarter, yet I stayed in bed. The sun was just coming out, and I still couldn’t fall asleep; that’s the worst part about working overnights. Finally, I took a sleeping pill, and it worked after about an hour. When I woke up, I started to feel upset that I didn’t do anything around the house. The dishes aren’t done, the trash is full, and the laundry was still not done. The only reason I am having trouble coping is because I changed shifts. My body isn’t used to having a flip flopped schedule, and that’s okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself; especially when you are acclimating change into your life. It is okay to slack off, and not feel bad about it. Live your own life the way you want to, and not because it’s how you have to live.

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