My Bubble of Smoke

We don’t always see things clearly. There’s a time between dusk and dawn where we become bewildered, barely able to see what is right in front of us. This is the time of day our minds are clouded by a cloak of confusion. When we ask ourselves who we really are, while some mourn their past self, and who they ‘used’ to be. In this moment of distress, we act out against others. Like animals with mange; we gnash our jaws, and grit our teeth at anyone who looks at us wrong. If our day somehow runs amok, while going in reverse, we retaliate. When someone challenges us, no matter how small, we begin our battle… A bubble forms around our head, making it hard to hear, as we attack. All we see is shadowy figures in front of us, pointing fingers, coming closer to us, and mocks us for not being able to see clearly. Steam from our heavy breaths fog up our ‘helmet’, and we cry out in anger. Why can’t we figure ourselves out? Like wolves mourning for the loss of their pack leader we howl in pain. We howl because we don’t feel wanted, or no one seems to care. You can hear the agonizing screams of the others through your bubble; yet the shadows still mock you. It’s times like these that make us lash out. Just know you are not the only one who can’t breathe right. I too am in a bubble of my own, filled with smoke, nicotine, and tar. It’s been two weeks since I quit smoking, and I still have my ‘helmet’ on. Don’t let your addictions consume you, or overwhelm you. Eventually your bubble will get clearer, and you will begin to see more clear, without destructive thoughts. Just hang in there.

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